i dont mind taking care of aleena during day time. but as night approach i am so restless and scared!
first of all during day time i have all the helps i need. it is up until 12 am precisely.
then i am all alone. i dont want to wake anybody up and so for whatever reason i will face aleena alone.
those few days was horrible because i dont know anything about her. i dont know if she is making all those noises because she is in pain?, colic?, hungry,? sleepy?, wet diapers?, uncomfortable?, need mummy? need daddy? owh god only knows how miserable i am.
not only that when she dont sleep i become a bit of zombie too, and i am sleepy and i am so afraid that i fall asleep while breastfeeding her or while rocking her in the swing..sigh..
i refuse to wake husband up because he is working the next day.tak sampai hati. although actually taking care of aleena all day almost 24 hours is more harder than going to the office but i just dont feel like it. beside i even feel bad if someone else take care of aleena while i took a bit of a nap or resting.
feel like a bad mother. when i shouldnt pun. i am also afraid of forgetting to change aleena diapers at night time, or forget to feed her on time or even worse overslept.alhamdullilah so far overslept is not written in my diary anymore. haha
every night i will observe the watch.as it is approaching 6 am i will be very happy because i know then, people will start to wakes up!pathetic i know. even though i am the one who take care of aleena during daytime as well but the existing of people around me make me feel comfortable and more confident. (owh is baby blues syndrome is still there?. perhaps)
seriously and when my husband wakes up, i feel energetic(even though i dindt sleep at all trough out the night), happier and relief. although he will be leaving to work in one hour time. and when my husband came back from work i am much better, ecstatic semacam.he is my source of energy, happiness and calmness.
everyone says this will pass soon. but soon is vary in every one. some people says within pantang then baby will change to be better, some says after a month some says after 3 months and some says 6 months or even a year. whatever it is i just cant wait for the baby to grow bigger because maybe then i will be more confident when handling her.
:-) owh i received such a big relief yesterday. alhamdullilah and insya allah i already found a helper to help my mum taking care of my baby aleena while im at work later on!.lega sangat.
now my worried falls down to how to produce more milk to do EBM stock for my baby girl aleena.if i fails then sigh formula la jawapannya,