Tuesday, December 13, 2011

ketakutan di malam hari

i dont mind taking care of aleena during day time. but as night approach i am so restless and scared!

first of all during day time i have all the helps i need. it is up until 12 am precisely.
then i am all alone. i dont want to wake anybody up and so for whatever reason i will face aleena alone.

those few days was horrible because i dont know anything about her. i dont know if she is making all those noises because she is in pain?, colic?, hungry,? sleepy?, wet diapers?, uncomfortable?, need mummy? need daddy? owh god only knows how miserable i am.

not only that when she dont sleep i become a bit of zombie too, and i am sleepy and i am so afraid that i fall asleep while breastfeeding her or while rocking her in the swing..sigh..

i refuse to wake husband up because he is working the next day.tak sampai hati. although actually taking care of aleena all day almost 24 hours is more harder than going to the office but i just dont feel like it. beside i even feel bad if someone else take care of aleena while i took a bit of a nap or resting.

feel like a bad mother. when i shouldnt pun. i am also afraid of forgetting to change aleena diapers at night time, or forget to feed her on time or even worse overslept.alhamdullilah so far overslept is not written in my diary anymore. haha

every night i will observe the watch.as it is approaching 6 am i will be very happy because i know then, people will start to wakes up!pathetic i know. even though i am the one who take care of aleena during daytime as well but the existing of people around me make me feel comfortable and more confident. (owh is baby blues syndrome is still there?. perhaps)

seriously and when my husband wakes up, i feel energetic(even though i dindt sleep at all trough out the night), happier and relief. although he will be leaving to work in one hour time. and when my husband came back from work i am much better, ecstatic semacam.he is my source of energy, happiness and calmness.

everyone says this will pass soon. but soon is vary in every one. some people says within pantang then baby will change to be better, some says after a month some says after 3 months and some says 6 months or even a year. whatever it is i just cant wait for the baby to grow bigger because maybe then i will be more confident when handling her.

:-) owh i received such a big relief yesterday. alhamdullilah and insya allah i already found a helper to help my mum taking care of my baby aleena while im at work later on!.lega sangat.

now my worried falls down to how to produce more milk to do EBM stock for my baby girl aleena.if i fails then sigh formula la jawapannya,


  1. honey,i teramat suka baca ur entries cos a lot of what u r experiencing almost the same if not completely the same with what i am going through. i feel relieved sebab i ingat i sorang2 ja alami benda2 ni smua when handling my baby. malam ja i mula gelabah...masuk subuh i tersangat lega. hari jumaat lagi la i lega n hepi cos the hubs is coming back home...

  2. sbb mmg i tau ramai org akan mengalami perkara yang sama.so i wanna share. hehehhe kan..at least tak la rasa gila ingat kita je rasa hehe

  3. i start stocking up EBM for my baby approx. 2 weeks before i start working/sambung study. Pump everytime i free, including night time & when baby's sleeping. But i read in forums/parenting sites, it shud be done 1 month before start keje actually, so that sempat nk stock up. So in my case, mcm dh lambat gak la start.

    Mula2 x byk pon, but enough la to start. Then while at work/uni, i'll pump every 3 hours. So kire mcm everytime stock keluar, ade stock baru masuk la. Hehe. Until now, alhamdulillah cukup je and my baby fully breastfeed smpi hari ni :)

    Each pumping session is approx. 15 mins je, so kalau busy sgt, i'll do it ms lunch hour. Kalau tak pon, ape salahnye take 15 mins break, it's every 3 hours je pon kan?

    All the best eh! :)