the end of maternity leave

sebak gila hati sebab nak tinggalkan anak punya lah lama. keluar rumah pukul 7 am , and jumpa balik dia pukul 5.30pm! gile. and that time is when she is most awake and playful. malam kita pun penat nak tidur. by the time balik, akan sibuk masak and buat itu ini, then menyusu dia sekejap dah confirm kita tidur.

macam tak percaya dah habis my 90 days of maternity leave. heaven gila duduk rumah. heaven gila jaga anak urus rumah. aku tak kisah. kalau rasa membazir ilmu yang belajar kat universiti tu aku boleh apply dekat family and anak-anak. serious. kan? or buat locum part time. a few hours only a day. suami dah offer jadi housewife. gila pulak nak menolak.

mengimbau kembali membawa aleena balik ke rumah. cabaran dah dekat situ kan. tak pernah handle baby. tapikan macam senang je. sebab lancar je. and macam dah biasa handle anak. senang sahaja aku rasa.tapi bab berpantang aku tak suka, tak rasa macam berehat pun. penat lagi ada. it takes 3 weeks for me to actually rasa alive balik. barulah boleh bernafas balik.

bab menyusu.is a WOW. cabaran paling besar ialah menyusukan badan. dengan menagis colostrum keluar lambat, dengan nipple sakit gila. a few times my husband offer to buy formula milk sebab i macam suffer gila. memang pun. baby akan mahu menyusu 24 jam sebab nak tolong mak dia keluarkan susu kan. lepas tu kita kena duduk menyusu kan. langsung tak tidur. memang rasa gila. lepas tu susu dah keluar rasa tak banyak pulak. pump sikit sahaja dapat. dengan nak buat stock sebelum masuk kerja, dengan nak ajar anak minum bottle. wah gila dahsyat. disitu kita dah nampak betapa besarnya responsibility nak menjaga dan mendidik anak. mampu? if tak mampu jangan mintak ada anak.

kalau ikutkan dah lama bagi anak formula milk. tapi alhamdullilah so far everytime nak buat susu macam cukup. so far kita tengok dulu bila dah balik kerja , pump cukup tak. at least until she is 6 months! insya allah.

sekarang dilema nak pergi kerja.paling serabut is ONCALL. kalau kena kerja malam balik esok tu memang aku serabut.


dah pergi kerja hari ini 22.2.2012 benci gila.

loser

okay aku tak tau nak translate loser dalam bahasa melayu. PENGALAH? wth.

sumpah aku rasa loser gila bila anak aku start sakit. ok, tak payah sakit teruk la, ada scratch kat muka pasal dia calar muka dia sendiri aku dah rasa sedih. sebab tak potong kuku dia elok-elok atau labat pakaikan sarung tangan dia. down gila hari tu aku potong kuku aleena, terpotong kulit jari dia sikit sampai berdarah! gila kau. gengam tangan dia lama takot dia pedih. sedih.

bila aleena nagis aku tak dapat pujuk, memang rasa psycho nak mampus. rasa macam mak yang tak memahami anak sendiri. sedangkan jaga dan bersama dia 24 jam. bila nak tukar pampers aleena tengok ada poops yang cam kering sikit, maknanya dia dah berak lama kan, perghh rasa kesian gila kat aleena, rasa mak yang tak competent. gila punya feeling.tahu?

aku jenis yang very independent and buat semua perkara nak laju dan cekap. tapi bila ada anak aku slow sikit. buat kerja rumah pun cam tunggang-langgang pasal susah skit nak balance between aleena and house chores.

bila baju aleena tak basuh lagi, booties and mitten habis pasal tahu tukar je, basuhnya malas. pakai washing machine jaaa punn.. tapi seriously minggu ni aku sibuk sejak nak pindah rumah kan. semua nak start from the bottom weh! dengan duit limited. gila. memang gila.aku headache gila. semua gila.tu pun rasa loser.paham , baju aleena tak basuh pun rasa loser.

tu belum lagi bab tak sterilize bottle aleena, stock susu tau pakai je, top up nya tidak. omg! ok belum cerita pasal pumping susu. cerita pasal trained aleena mau ngan orang lain. semua semua semua la..loserr ahhh aku ni

ni aleena cam selesema. tak ada la bersin, hingus meleleh-leleh.but i know its there. nafas bunyi kuat sedikit. bunyi cam berkahak. rasa down.loser.bodoh tak pandai jaga anak. faham? susah hati gila.aku mula la nak beli macam-macam gadget ni ha. siap nak beli machine nebulizer.aku pakai sama. so pagi tadi aku request kat husband nak bawak p pakar budak-budak nak suruh dia tengok breathing aleena. aku tak kira. so dia kata ok dia mintak GL secepat mungkin. aku rasa nak p bayar cash sahaja.ok GL tak boleh buat unless ada referral letter. bayar cash.lagi senang.


aku tau, ni semua pasal dok keluar masuk rumah, hujan panas berangin nak uruskan rumah. sedih,pilunya hatiikuuuuuuuuuuuu anakkuuuu sakitttt kerr. tapi dia feeding ok. tido ok. tak nagis or meragam, insya allah ok. just to be sure. sebab weekend ni nak berjalan jauh. nak p jemput pengasuh aleena. sigh. doakan aleena sihat.

sedih

seriously aku tak tau nak cerita macam mana. and sesuatu telah terjadi and im gonna move out. find a new house and restart my life.banyak nak pakai belanja bila dah ada anak, and sekarang kena pindah pulak. tak apa la.

so now sibuk cari rumah and tengok rumah. susah nak pilih kan...

hurm

confuse

ok sekarang aku dah lega sedikit la hal uruskan si baby aleena ni. macam dah terror sikit breastfeed dia, mandikan dah cekap, tukar pampers memerlukan beberapa saat sahaja, perangai dia paham la sikit sikit. cuma bab aku rasa dia ni tak pernah kenyang itu masih ada. so cara aku hilangkan panik setiap kali sebab aku rasa susu dah habis tapi dia masih nak hisap sebab tak kenyang atau memang suka menghisap ialah denga masukkan dalam buaian, buai laju-laju sampai dia tidur. sedih :-(. horror tak bunyi? tapi itu yang paling aku tak tau nak handle macam mana. jarang muka dia satisfied lepas minum susu. tapi dia tak menagis,siap boleh main. so aku assume kenyang kot. and everytime check up berat dia naik. so ok? tapi dia memang kurus aku rasa, and tembam tang muka sahaja. and compare dengan baby orang lain OMG memang anak aku kurus, tapi mak bapak gemuk T_T
malam dia menyusu lepas tu terus tidur.aku assume lagi dia kenyang. ASSUME sahaja ok! aku tak rasa dia kenyang tapi aku tak nak kasik lagi formula milk kat dia sampai aku give up. sebab sumpah aku sangat pemalas nak bancuh susu :-( again pemalas.selfish.

rutin kehidupan adalah sama. sehinggalah aku akan masuk kerja semula. masa untuk diri sendiri adalah tiada. mandi 5 minit tak sampai.itulah masa untuk diri sendiri. masa aku menaip and berfacebook adalah kerana sebelah tangan lagi aku dok buai anak. aku memang spesis tak leh duduk sahaja aku jadi gila. sebab tu masa berpantang aku gila sekejap. sebab selain uruskan anak aku tak buat ape. dah la tak paham kehendak baby aleena, assume sahaja.lepas tu tak boleh buat apa pasal tak sempat pun.so aku jadi gila.semua risau. sampaikan dapat basuh pinggan aku happy.paham? aneh kan? masa menyusu since sekarang aku menyusu secara baring, at least aku akan update khabar kawan-kawan melalui sms or aku call mereka,or aku akan membaca buku cerita songlap dari mak aku, sebab tak ada masa nak ke kedai buku pun, baca je la buku yang mak aku beli.(dah la aku tak suka baca novel bahasa inggeris pasal aku malas nak guna otak translate, gila kan? sedangkan paham je), or kacau suami di tempat kerja dengan melihat hp setiap 1 saat mengharapkan sms di balas(oh patheticnya aku) atau pun seperti biasa berfikir mana nak letak anak aku, kerja dah nak start ni bibik tak jumpa.adoi.

masalah dok fikir banyak perkara ini dari dulu, sebelum dapat anak tak pernah selesai. dulu dok fikir nak settlekan barangan anak. ni dah ada anak settlekan hal anak..hal sendiri tak pikir dah. risau susu tak cukup, risau botol and pump tak basuh and sterile betul, risau EBM tak cukup, risau EBM basi, risau letrik tak ada stock habis lah, risau baju anak tak basuh lagi, risau pampers cukup tak, kang kedai tu cuti sebulan nak beli pampers jenama apa pulak, risau tak tukar pampers kang ruam plak, risau makan betul tak satg anak sakit perut, risau rumah tunggang-langgang tengok mak dah tak ada mood mengemas, aku tak ada masa nak mengemas anak perlu 24 jam,tak ada siapa nak tolong, risau makanan rumah tak ada mak bapak nak makan apa, risau satg appointment hospital mereka siapa nak hantar , sebelum ni aku uruskan semua, risau gaji lepas ni nak kena potong kritikal allowance pasal cuti bersalin, macam mana perbelanjaan harian? OMG ni risau gila.

aku rasa macam aku buat semua menda nak mintak tolong orang aku malu segan. aku pemalu tau(yang kenal pasti rasa mahu muntah haha), aku uruskan baby aleena ALONE 99% 24 hours, bila orang complaint aleena tak mau kat orang lain, salah aku jugaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. adakah kalian menghulurkan tangan untuk membantu? ada tapi tak lama. aku pun risau aleena tak mau kat orang lain. mak aku tolong tapi bila aleena nagis dia panik pas kat aku balik. aku yang mandikan, tukar each pampers, susukan wajib la, basuh baju dia, lipat, beli barang dia. etc. ada kau tolong? tu belum kerja lain. tak mau fikir.aku tak perfect langsung. selagi aku kena uruskan aleena macam ni, macam mana nak buat kerja rumah yang lain? aleena kena buai all the time if not dia tak tidur(aku assume pasal dia tak kenyang sangat), so tak boleh tinggal. dapur bersepah, bilik tak tersapu, baju tak terbasuh, tak termasak untuk suami, baju tak iron apa kejadah semua aku tak boleh buat!sampai aku sembelit kengkadang sebab aku kena tahan berak, tak boleh tinggal aleena sorang diri, takot dia terjeluak susu, tersedak apa-apa jadi, salah siapa? aku jugaaaa, waktu ni orang tak nampak yang sebelum ni kau tip top jaga dia, wangi sepanjang masa.sigh.

aku nak potong rambut, tak terpotong juga. by the time ada masa, rambut aku cecah lantai dah kot.baju tak bersalin, nak shopping time bila? online takot saiz tak kena pasal biasanya baju mesti lekat kat punggung aku yang besar ini.stress. setiap kali keluar rasa macam bibik.

sebab biasanya sekarang aleena tidur dengan aku sebab lepas breastfeed aku dah tak ada energy nak angkat dia, aku pun pitam sama, semalam aku tak tahan sangat suruh hubby buai aleena, bila dia datang bawak kat aku cakap aleena lapar , aku bangun sumpah blur nak mampus ,penat gilaaaa, rasa nak pengsan and pitam. aku blank sekejap. pastuh baru ok.badan exhausted gila bila tak ada bantuan sangat ni.
aku nak kena buat stock ebm aleena, tapi time bila? masa dia tidur kena buai all the time, kalau yang dia tidur atas katil tak lama setengah jam ja, nak basuh bottle and pump lagi?, mintak tolong orang confirm sepatutnya dia boleh tidur dalam buai lagi 2 jam, setengah jam je aku mintak tolong buai dah terbangun. tahu nape? kesungguhan jaga anak itu hanya ada pada ibu-ibu sendiri tidak pada orang lain. dah tu nak buat power pumping time bila? so aku bersyukur je bila boleh buat stock 3 oz je sehari.kalau aku gagal fully breastfeed, bukan salah aku seorang.

and aku takot moment ni aku tak hayati sepenuhnya.nanti dia dah besar aku akan rasa miss out masa dia kecik ni, sebab aku terlalu berkejar -kejar , untuk buat macam-macam.rugi.

career vs motherhood

okay ever since i have a baby , i dont think much of myself.all i can think off is her.

makan dah tak puas sebab kena makan cepat cepat takot anak terjaga, or rasa bersalah orang lain jagakan masa kau makan.sebab tu makan tak pernah kenyang walaupun nasi sepinggan penuh sebab tak sempat merasa, telan je, suap telan suap telan suap telan.gigit sekali je hahah

mandi macam tak bersih sebab kau mandi kambing.sabun apa yang patut, dah tak sempat sental. kalau husband jaga baru aku lulur over sikit. mandi setiap hari adalah sabun , basuh muka and berus gigi secepat mungkin. kadang-kadang if mandi, anak tak ada orang jaga aku selalu tutup air dengar ada dia nagis tak.

tidur? apa itu? dah lama tak tidur betul. selalu terjaga every 1 hour.paling lama pernah tidur is 2 hours nowadays.but im okay. cuma ever since breastfeed sambil baring ni, tulang belakang sakit sedikit pasal mengiring lama kan and ruang tak banyak untuk tidur and mengeliat. kalau aleena tidur bersama dia tidur 2 jam, dalam baby cot sejam so aku kesian kat dia.so biarlah mama mengalah gittew.

makanan dan minuman sudah tidak boleh hentam kromo lagi kerana menyusu. faham.

owh silap topic,

aku sekarang tengah confuse, nak kekal kerja di government atau keluar ke private. gaji wise memang beza la. beribu.okay fine rm2000. beribu la tu kan.

tapi cuti tahunan kurang jadi 16hari. before 25 hari.

kerja extra half day.sigh.

tapi, tak yah oncall, tak yah mengadap muka boss, tak yah mengadap muka patient ramai sangat, tak payah buat extra kerja bawah kementerian lain iaitu bagi ubat dekat penagih dadah(menci),tak payah buat DMTAC,

tapi kerja private ni tak secure sangat.itu je la kan. and kalau kerja government senang nak bela anak sebab cuti banyak skit and boss sekarang flexible aku rasa.


susah hati.

awkward feeling

haha.
okay when my mum and people around me telling me that my baby so attach to me and that my baby aleena will look at me and wants only me, i feel weird and awkward. like are you sure people my baby likes me that much?

because i used to take care of my nieces. and of course they will prefer their mother over us regardless how much time we spent with them, in the end at night time they still wants their mother to console and comfort them.

and now i have my own baby who so in love with her mama.which is me!!
yay! i still feel awkward, and i cant believe that i someone else love me that much beside my family and my husband of course.

and when hubby says that baby aleena prefer me than him, i felt weird like come on for real? hehe ..kesian hubby. i dont think baby aleena prefer me much more than him, it is just that i am the one with the breast of milk! haha

and 1 think for sure, the moment baby aleena was born in this world i felt so humble. not proud.humble.with god gift and the responsibility that lies within.

and all i know is that i am so in love with baby aleena already.

ketakutan di malam hari

i dont mind taking care of aleena during day time. but as night approach i am so restless and scared!

first of all during day time i have all the helps i need. it is up until 12 am precisely.
then i am all alone. i dont want to wake anybody up and so for whatever reason i will face aleena alone.

those few days was horrible because i dont know anything about her. i dont know if she is making all those noises because she is in pain?, colic?, hungry,? sleepy?, wet diapers?, uncomfortable?, need mummy? need daddy? owh god only knows how miserable i am.

not only that when she dont sleep i become a bit of zombie too, and i am sleepy and i am so afraid that i fall asleep while breastfeeding her or while rocking her in the swing..sigh..

i refuse to wake husband up because he is working the next day.tak sampai hati. although actually taking care of aleena all day almost 24 hours is more harder than going to the office but i just dont feel like it. beside i even feel bad if someone else take care of aleena while i took a bit of a nap or resting.

feel like a bad mother. when i shouldnt pun. i am also afraid of forgetting to change aleena diapers at night time, or forget to feed her on time or even worse overslept.alhamdullilah so far overslept is not written in my diary anymore. haha

every night i will observe the watch.as it is approaching 6 am i will be very happy because i know then, people will start to wakes up!pathetic i know. even though i am the one who take care of aleena during daytime as well but the existing of people around me make me feel comfortable and more confident. (owh is baby blues syndrome is still there?. perhaps)

seriously and when my husband wakes up, i feel energetic(even though i dindt sleep at all trough out the night), happier and relief. although he will be leaving to work in one hour time. and when my husband came back from work i am much better, ecstatic semacam.he is my source of energy, happiness and calmness.

everyone says this will pass soon. but soon is vary in every one. some people says within pantang then baby will change to be better, some says after a month some says after 3 months and some says 6 months or even a year. whatever it is i just cant wait for the baby to grow bigger because maybe then i will be more confident when handling her.

:-) owh i received such a big relief yesterday. alhamdullilah and insya allah i already found a helper to help my mum taking care of my baby aleena while im at work later on!.lega sangat.

now my worried falls down to how to produce more milk to do EBM stock for my baby girl aleena.if i fails then sigh formula la jawapannya,

Baby Blues/ PostPartum Depression

(keadaan selepas bersalin/semasa berpantang)

i will not elaborate on the fact of this baby blues and postpartum depression.you can google up if you want.
but im gonna write about my fact:

sebelum bersalin, when i read about this matter, i was ignorance, i thought to myself there is no way this things gonna happen to me. this must be rare. only certain people might have them after giving birth to a bundle of joy, our own baby that we waited and prepare and carried for the past 9 months.

but nOOoOOOoOo it actually will happen to everyone! everyone who actually give birth, the only different is the degree that it affect you.it can be very bad to worse. baby blues and postpartum depression is actually a different things. everyone will have baby blues but not everyone will turn out to postpartum depression.

the first day at the hospital itself i started crying already.as i cant sleep trough out the night, and when i did, it is already morning.i cant get up.i refuse to get up,i was in pain and confuse. seriously memang bingung semacam.i cry and cry. i ask the nurse for some pain killer and then i sms my mum telling her i was weak and so down. she said NO and asked me to be strong. and i did get up and mandi and asked for my baby.


but then when i went back home, things are a lot much worse. with all the problem arise i cant cope up. but i try my best but only can do with the help of my family and husband.


i noticed that:

1.i cant be left alone. i will be sad and lonely and will started to cry.

2.if i am tired, i will cry too and be so angry and restless

3.when in pain, especially nipple pain, i was so frustrated i feel like giving up breastfeeding and want to start formula

4.sorry to say , i know confinement has a lots of benefits, but all i can see i how depressing it is making me. i feel like sitting at home all the time is not healthy(dont we need some exercise to feel better) , food wise is okay since my mum cooked nice food and allowed me to eat healthy,i cant go out, when i am the type yang jenis tak pandai duduk diam, i feel gloomy and all i can do it counting the days for pantang to end. and by the time pantang ended there will be only a few days left for me to be with my baby aleena.


5.i cant seem to enjoy my baby for the first few weeks. why? because i was trying to get to know and learn her. even my husband commented on this. i am happy to be a mother but to take care of a baby is so demanding. imagine another life depend on you to survive. so yeah it is so tiring and frustrating at times when i dont know what she wants. but now alhamdullilah i even misses her when she asleep in her baby cot!


6.relationship with the husband. to tell you the truth i am very attach to mr husband. i really love spending time with him. manja. and most of the time i spent time with him 24 hours. and when aleena came along, the time is mostly spent for her, and when aleena is asleep i will sleep and when mr husband is asleep i will be awake. pergh and even a slight ignorance from mr husband will bring me to tears! owh baby blues.


7. i feel ugly! omg masa pregnant rasa diri lebih cantik? boleh? lepas bersalin my stomach is so ugly! stretch mark is so visible and black patches everywhere.they say the darker you are the easier you will get stretch mark because of pigmentation. yikes. so i am so afraid mr husband wont be attracted to me anymore.owh silly thought.now i use lulur hoping the hitamness will go away.


8.sleepless night is omg!


basically dont think much in order to feel better. with the help from others and remembrance of Allah s.w.t during your hard time insya allah will help you get trough it. i thought i was going to get crazy and i need tranquilizer stat.


and when i talked about this matter with my fellow cousin, they felt the same way! so baby blues is so common you have to prepared to face this and try to overcome it as soon as possible.


all the problem will eventually go away if you try hard to solve it and be realistic with it. it is just a test and remember as you become a parents the test begin and your responsibility will always be there forever. scary isnt it and i am only a mother for 23 days and insya allah counting.


how i overcome my baby blues:

1.never be alone unless you need a rest. i have my mother and sibling with me all the time. and my bestfriend always drop by to check on me.

2.my husband will take care of our baby from 9pm-12pm for me to get some sleep to get trough the night. alhamdullilah this helps a lot!

3.the nipple pain i just bear with it and took painkiller with guilt but at least i can still breastfeed my baby.

4.just face confinement is hoping it will end soon.

5.getting to know your baby is frustrating too but baby aleena is so adorable masya allah i am happy.

6.being ugly? beauty will fade away anyway!

7. time with husband find it as much as you can even as simple as 15 minutes alone will do.

8.sleepless night is common in parenthood so deal with it! haha

Happy 1st Anniversarry

today marked the 1st anniversary of me and mr hubby marriage life. we have awesome one year. marriage rawks big time. i love every part of it!
especially i have someone with me 24 hours that never annoyed me even though we see each other all the time. amazing, masya allah, alhamdullilah.
and now we gonna insya allah have a baby soon! weee! triple awesomeness.

thank you mr hubby for being such a great and wonderful husband trough out the year. please be more like this trough out our marriage!
i love you very much. always have always will!

what are we going to do to celebrate it? by celebrating HARI RAYA of course! hahah since it is today.

i dont mind, he make me happy everyday.

husband is away

my husband is away for a week for his induction.
as he is newly working in bank rakyat as auditor for IT.
its been a while since he has to go anywhere for such a long time.
since i am pregnant, i have been too attached to mr husband. seriously like everytime i wanna be with him, spent time with him and i dont feel bored at all.
i rather just lay down on the bed in his arm, rather than go outside and all. i dont want to spent time alone but with him.
i became too clingy and dependent.

my mum says it is because i am pregnant with my daughter that i am too attach to mr husband. but i dont mind.i really love being clingy to him. even just touch or feel his skin is enough to make me smile. knowing he is there. (anyway before i am pregnant i was like this as well hehe)

when he is away, i told him to call me as often as he can and sms me frequently
too. yes he did. but only one day he was too busy that he only sms me hours after. piss off quite bad at that time. hehe. but of course he pujuk make me cair.


i hate being apart from him. i dont like it. miss him terribly much. the first few days is even worse. i am saluting those with long distance relationship!. i am praying for you all to be tough and all the love to you. seriously it is not easy. maybe during those years of before marriage( i can says this because i did a year of long distance while im in indonesia and he is in malaysia), is easier.but marriage is differ.

and being pregnant doesnt make thing easier too. i miss my daily massage, cuddling to soothes my pain. now that i am in my 8 months of pregnancy, my whole body is aching. and only his massage and touch can soothe it.
(mesin masssage ogawa doesnt work wonder like his hand.i did try during his absence ni with my dad ogawa machine tak menjadi, still sakit badan). owh no one to take drinks for me when im thirsty. no one to buy me food, i need to go out myself. uwa... faster come back.

my husband is so patience and soft with me. no wonder i am so mengada. right? :-)

just wanna says i miss my dear husband very much.
every night waiting for his romantic sms that will melt my heart away.

ps: after he hang up just now, he told me then only his other colleague remember to call their wife. heheh comel.

ketiadaan suami semasa cuti

i got a small tiny weeny problem.
whenever i am home, (for a day off/holiday/mc etc) i will miss my husband like crazy. i will start sms him non-stop and demand he reply every sms, even i already smsm him,i love you 3 times. hahah so conclusionya tak boleh cuti tanpa suami disisi nanti meroyan macam ni la!!!

today on saturday, he has to work.from 9-6pm for some bank rakyat drill. sigh.
i woke up, he wasnt around for me to jump on.
mengada nah you ni! memang pun.

i will always ask him if i am mengada, gedik, manja and all. he says yes. memang mengada gila.muahahahha siapa yang layan! siapa siapa siapa siapa! sila jawab!


okay perut aku cramp gila ni, risau sebab semalam p angkat file patient yang berat nak mampus tu. owh menyesalnya!

T.G.I.F.

i am so freaking tired. alhamdulillah it is friday night again! ho yeah!.
went back home, (caught in a little bit of traffic, took longer than 15 minutes to arrive home).
had nasi panas, sambal belacan, telur goreng with kicap, kari ikan and sayur bayam while it is raining heavily. heaven.
had shower.
lay down on the sofa while watching you tube with mr hubby. peaceful.

i notice whenever i touch my husband, my baby will kick more. i think my baby love his daddy too. maybe baby can feel how much i love daddy. and maybe because everytime i touch my husband, my heart beats like a drum and i feel calm and so much love.:-) weee.....

im gonna enjoy my weekend so much.need this so much.

perasaan

tidak tahu kenapa , hari ini rasa sayu pulak tiba-tiba. sigh.

tak apa lah, tidur lebih baik, sorry baby, mummy memang tak lalu nak makan malam. esok mummy makan awal okay.