the end of maternity leave

sebak gila hati sebab nak tinggalkan anak punya lah lama. keluar rumah pukul 7 am , and jumpa balik dia pukul 5.30pm! gile. and that time is when she is most awake and playful. malam kita pun penat nak tidur. by the time balik, akan sibuk masak and buat itu ini, then menyusu dia sekejap dah confirm kita tidur.

macam tak percaya dah habis my 90 days of maternity leave. heaven gila duduk rumah. heaven gila jaga anak urus rumah. aku tak kisah. kalau rasa membazir ilmu yang belajar kat universiti tu aku boleh apply dekat family and anak-anak. serious. kan? or buat locum part time. a few hours only a day. suami dah offer jadi housewife. gila pulak nak menolak.

mengimbau kembali membawa aleena balik ke rumah. cabaran dah dekat situ kan. tak pernah handle baby. tapikan macam senang je. sebab lancar je. and macam dah biasa handle anak. senang sahaja aku rasa.tapi bab berpantang aku tak suka, tak rasa macam berehat pun. penat lagi ada. it takes 3 weeks for me to actually rasa alive balik. barulah boleh bernafas balik.

bab menyusu.is a WOW. cabaran paling besar ialah menyusukan badan. dengan menagis colostrum keluar lambat, dengan nipple sakit gila. a few times my husband offer to buy formula milk sebab i macam suffer gila. memang pun. baby akan mahu menyusu 24 jam sebab nak tolong mak dia keluarkan susu kan. lepas tu kita kena duduk menyusu kan. langsung tak tidur. memang rasa gila. lepas tu susu dah keluar rasa tak banyak pulak. pump sikit sahaja dapat. dengan nak buat stock sebelum masuk kerja, dengan nak ajar anak minum bottle. wah gila dahsyat. disitu kita dah nampak betapa besarnya responsibility nak menjaga dan mendidik anak. mampu? if tak mampu jangan mintak ada anak.

kalau ikutkan dah lama bagi anak formula milk. tapi alhamdullilah so far everytime nak buat susu macam cukup. so far kita tengok dulu bila dah balik kerja , pump cukup tak. at least until she is 6 months! insya allah.

sekarang dilema nak pergi kerja.paling serabut is ONCALL. kalau kena kerja malam balik esok tu memang aku serabut.


dah pergi kerja hari ini 22.2.2012 benci gila.

progression

aku dah nak start kerja next week. by rabu dah mula kerja. sumpah depress. malas nak kerja. paling aku malas ialah meninggalkan anak aku. ish dah la sebelum ni jaga dia 24 jam tak pernah tinggal. ni nak tinggal almost 10 hours per day. which the 10 hours is the most time she will be awake and needed someone. to feed, bathed and played with. sakit hati bila fikir.

ni lagi seminggu nak masuk kerja i had to leave her. instead of spending time with her. i need to trained her with her pengasuh. sigh. sakit jiwa tapi untuk kebaikkan juga.alhamdullilah her pengasuh so far is good with her.

bila dia dengan pengasuh dia ok. pagi masih main sembang-sembang. but trough out sampai nak petang dia nak restless. senyap sikit. bila mama dia amik dia, hah sebek muka meraung terus. sedih gila. lepas tu tak boleh lepas dia dah. nak menyusu nak di pangku je. sebelum ni mana suka dipangku. kesian sangat.again i wish im a full time mother.

aleena sekarang suka sembang sangat. happy sampai menjerit-jerit. masih merengek sahaja instead of menagis. tak suka meniarap langsung,suka tidur mengiring.

i am pumping milk hard nowadays, hoping the milk supply will lasted forever and sufficient enough for her.each pumping max is only 6 oz, and now it will only get to 5 oz. max. buatlah macam mana pun. sigh.so i really need to pump 3 x a day at work and add another one at home. sigh sigh sigh.

since pindah rumah baru ni, i have been cooking almost 3 times a day. for breakfast lunch and dinner. perhaps i should add random picture of dishes that i cook as well. memang simple sahaja. masak campaq campaq. mau tengok ka.

baby in training

berapa minggu sebelum kerja anda mula train tinggal baby anda? saya minggu ni. sebab minggu depan nak start kerja dah.
omg so susah. i cry 5 times today since this morning!

tengok anak dari celah pintu bilik, dia tengah main sorang -sorang, rindu nak peluk dia. menagis T_T

tengah pump susu dengar dia merengek, panggil mama dia la. menagis T_T

balik dari jusco pergi beli beras , dengar dia merengek tengah tukar pamper. mama dia menagis T_T

tadi dia bangun nak susu, merengek lagi , mama dia yang menagis T_T

basuh pump kat dapur, dengar anak merengek, dia mengantuk , mama dia menagis lagi T_T sampai terlepas mangkuk, berderai pecah.

over tak? hambik kau. people know me for such a keras person, but i am such a soft hear-ted person. gila. dengan anak lain gila. tak sangka sampai macam ni. tak tinggal pergi office lagi. gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

alhamdullilah, i got a pengasuh for aleena,at my own home, tak payah hantar nursery. if not, aku meraung sepanjang hari la kot. gila gila gila feeling. ini feeling indescribable.

pump susu alhamdullilah, walaupun tak meriah. pagi tadi pukul 8 am dapatlah 6 oz. tengahari tadi pukul 12 pm dapat 5 oz. sebab tak makan lagi kot. tengok nanti kol 4 pm pulak.

alhamdullilah aleena has been trained earlier for bottle. and her pengasuh seem good enough in taking care of aleena.

i cant handle much with this emotion. hopefully will be better soon.
my mum says i am to extreme tinggal aleena terus 1 whole day. but what to do. i am even more worried if aleena pengasuh give up. so nak cepat cepat.

stock susu ada. trying to add on. hopefully boleh. if tak boleh kita rotate sahaja stock yang ada. risau kena outstation. tapi if kena bawak je la pengasuh aleena kan. apa susah. sigh sigh.

hari tu pergi check up aleena she is now 6.2kg. alhamdullilah. sedut mama banyak banyak..sekrang all the old baju kurung can be wear again. lebih kurus dari sebelum my wedding day.muahahahhaha


susah hatinya tinggal anak. tak sangka rasa macam ni, feeling yang sangat wow! can love someone so deeply after your husband and family.
sumpah lebih rela jadi full time MOTHER. tapi nak buat macam mana hidup di alam yang mencabar ini. sabarje la..


so my new routine before work is that:
wakes up at 5 am lepas ni nak try pump, if tak boleh sufficient enough with feeding her at 6 am and pump at work at 8 am.

and off to work.(but for now, off to my mother house)