Sayang anak

Today i got a very devastated news, a friend of mine son passed away due to leukemia. he is 2 years old. the only child.

i cried and cried. especially with this raging hormone and my daughter is sick at the moment. and im here working. because i cant afford another day off. because my IN TRAY is filled. and i need to order drugs and because of that i sent aleena to taska. bodoh punya mak kan.
Ya allah aku berlindung padamu. Lindungilah anakku Aleena.

Sayang pada anak tu, masya allah, tak terungkap. cuma yang ada anak tahu betapa kuatnya kuasa sayang anak tu.
betapa 24 jam minda pada anak. betapa segalanya untuk anak.

even with my husband whenever we watch movies together and there are scene of toddlers we will look at each other and smile cause it always remind us of Aleena.
that is how powerful her bond with us.

Anak adalah anugerah Allah s.w.t dan pinjaman -NYA juga, tapi i wish my aleena is for me to keep and jaga forever. i really really am falling in love with her too deeply to loose her.i cant imagine my friend feeling of loosing his son. i just cant.

Aleena memang selalu sakit. the comment in the facebook. "eh aleena sakit lagi" is so inappropriate when i actually only request for doa.
aleena memang senang sakit but senang nak dijaga sangat. tak banyak complaint and merengek. makan ubat paksa sikit pun telan semua. tak muntah or keluarkan balik. muntah keluar ikut hidung pun tak nagis.
masya allah. cuma dia demam memang lama. sedih.. senang jangkit dari mama dia yang selalu sakit ni. 
adoi.  ni dia demam 10 hari! i pun sakit asthma and demam. imagine that. and people put such comment.
wahhhh untunglah anak kau selalu sihat maknyah.


tak apalah dugaan allah supaya aku lebih menyayangi dan menghargai aleena.
 
  

17th weeks check up

It was supposed to be in Al-Islam medical center but i decided to skip and went to HKL check up instead. save money.hihi

I only make an appointment in Al-Islam on my 20th weeks of pregnancy. Kot-kot la nampak gender.

so far check up everything is alhamdulillah okay. baby is growing well. 250gm already!
i gained 500gm so far trough  out my pregnancy. adoi orang gemuk tak payah gain banyak sangat kot.
luckily memang tak lalu makan sangat pun.

baby growth is early by 1 weeks. so ok. aleena dulu kecik by 1 week. ayoyoyoyoyo.. tu la aku kali ni pregnancy tak jaga minum air bicarbonat.
memang baby akan gained weight gegiler sebab sugar sugar sugar.

try tanya nak tengok gender tapi dengan ultrasound HKL memang gelap gulita tak nampak apa la. tapi dia ukur kepala kaki tulang belulang semua alhamdulillah. happy gilak. i am excited as the first pregnancy people!

ok cant wait until my 20th weeks check up!
adios samigos

PS: untung orang gemuk mengandung baju pakai yang sama up until now. muahahaaaaaa 

My House

Although i stayed in Kuartes, i really wanna make it as nice as my own. after all i'll be staying there 24 hrs right? tried my best to enhance the environment with minimal budget is very hard actually. and lacking the idea and touch is another thing. very limited idea with limited budget.

the house doesnt need much but must be kemas. but to kemas is another damn hard things to do around here. hubs and aleena has lots of stuff too. messy. bahahah (matila hubs baca)

 my room has always been a mess with wired and plugs on the floor. so asked hubs to put it up on the wall instead. senang nak sapu sampah. still messy but better

refer to the piccas bellow. used to be filled with the boxes. but i need to transform my bookcase into aleena and new baby A wardrobe. so transfer all the books here instead.

 pardon the messiness, the new cabinet is for toiletries. love it. cheap only rm149 from ikea. dulu letak barang on the small black table. messy and very dusty. now yay. i love everything cover up.

no place for the glassware so end up here. the small tall cake stand tu from ikea.suka sangat rm39.90 only people. loves it!

so ada 2 lagi project nanti akan diupload gambar rumah yang end up kemas and bersih. 
play area for aleena and my baby wardrobe. dekat living hall u all. berani mati. haha
rmah ada anak kecik tak messy tak logik la kan. eh ye ke.

Barangan Baby

kali ni macam tak berapa gelabah. sebab kebanyakkannya semua dah ada kan.
yang mahal macam breast pump, stroller, sterilizer and warmer.

baju if baby girl boleh recycle and beli baru sikit-sikit.
if boy macam kena all out sebab haritu aku bantai je beli semua warna pink. 

cuma breastpump aku nak tukar part yang boleh tukar. macam membrane getah sana sini.
maklumla pakai all out for 2 years last time. dulu ingat macam nak beli medela freestyle. but why waste money when avent double pump motor is awesomeness.

reaching 18 weeks. and was suppose to have an appointment this week. tapi sebab next week ada appointment in HKL, why waste money we postpone a month later dekat al-islam medical center. Beside at least this month last bayar sendiri then my husband company akan cover 6 months onwards. masa tu nak buat test merepek and supplement merepek pun company cover. bereh...

nampak iklan insurance macam macam. macam interested nak amik. tapi tu la malas plak kawe.macam ada insurance masa pregnancy dah akan cover baby if lagir pre-mature and jaundice? menarik tertarik kau mmg the bomb bab jaundice tu. tapi insya allah. we breastfeed as much as we can insya allah ok.

next appoinment insya allah leh tau gender. OMG excited. i dont mind any. as long as the baby is in great shape and healthy. nama dah ada. settle. lelaki perempuan dah ada dari dahulu kala. macam biasa nak satu nama ja. Macam boy nak ALI and girl nak ADRA.(my hubs kata macam hydra cerita dalam captain america. coih sangat)

ingat nak ajak suami p GM PLAZA KLANG, nak borong baby towel, wash cloth, brand luvable baby tu. suka sangat. kualiti bagus size bagus. aleena pun pakai hooded towel dia. ada jual mana-mana brand tu. tapi if beli borong kan dapat diskaun gittew.

selain daripada itu, nak susun atur balik rumah. anak 2 rumah kecik macam setinggan, memang susah la. adoi adoi adoi...


ook banyak dah merepek.

other than that alhamdulillah pregnancy kali ni sihat. asthma under control. cuma penat sangat sahaja. 
 

  

Mual

Mual masa mengandung ni memang over. Ya allah, dugaan betul. aku sampai tengok suami makan laju lalu semacam pun boleh jeles and wondering biar betul. sampai lupa dulu aku ni memang rasa makanan tu sedap ke.

Nak habiskan makanan memang bersusah payah.especially nasik. susah betul.
so aku tak tau la nak makan apa.

aku ni style loya and mual the whole day.

pagi muntah, tengahari and malam. muntah.

sangat tak selesa.

other than that alhamdulillah i am healthy. asthma under control. not coughing macam last pregnancy. lega sangat. (thank you symbicort) eh ..
  is wondering bila la nak hilang mual and tak lalu makan ni.
dulu at least boleh juga makan.yang ni xdapek la..

i miss how i loveees my sushi. now yuck.
even laksa masam masam tu pun aku tak suka.
apa yang suka pun tak tau..
owh anak dikau t ak suka makan ke?
  

Aleena

Lama tak cerita pasal anak aku sorang ni. masya allah besar dah. 2 tahun 5 bulan. She has grown up to be such an angel. I have not regret even a second sending her to nursery. Despite being sick quite frequent, she has grown and has been such an independent little girl.

Cikgu komen pasal dia semalam. tanya mama dia aleena chatty box tak kat rumah. Memang pun. Mulut tak berhenti cakap. banyak komen, banyak bertanya, and laugh a lot. such a happiness. Dekat sekolah pun cikgu kata selagi tak tidur memang bercakap sahaja. HAHA.

sangat berperangai kakak-kakak sekarang.:
-She can bukak and pakai baju herself.
-she will choose her outfit everyday.
lepas mandi kenal her towel and amik baju and diapers. dress her up is easy sbb dia masih obedient baring and let people pakaikan diapers dia.
-She can eat by herself. 
(if time makan, either beli bungkus luar or masak, dia akan hidang pinggan dia and siap tunggu). 
-can wash her hand by herself. siap sabun.
-knows where to put her dirty laundry.
-knows where to put her bottle and dirty dishes.
-she kenal all her parents baju and herself.( ada incident where her cousin pakai baju dia, she mengamuk because she is very posssesif with her stuff)
-if anything spill she knows how to wipe it and clean it.
-help me with laundry. Her clothes she knows how to hang it with a hanger.
-she can clean up her toys well.
-sleeping wise selepas berhenti menyusu alhamdulillah slept better. trough out the night, bangun pukul 5.30 am mintak susu and tido balik. 
-sangat obsess dengan hello kitty and surpise egg and youtube video on it.
- she loves singing and dancing very much.
-can help her parents dah amik(remote,  handphone or anything)
-alhamdulillah pergi mall masih duduk dalam stroller. tak mampu la nak dukung bila dia tak mau jalan. berat.
-tak suka pakai dress except for her one and only hello kitty dress given by my fiki.
-she love swimming, pakai hand float tu boleh swim everywhere and no kiddy pool for her.she dont like it
- boleh baca alif ba ta, doa makan, bismillah, if jatuh or susah sikit she will cakap Allah, lailahaillallah. subahanallah. masya allah. so proud.
-Kenal colours, shapes sikit-sikit.can count 1-10, abc. 
-loves fruits , keropok and biskut oatmeal.


tak sabar pulak  nak ada anak satu lagi. sure challenging gilak. tapi at least hati dah tabah hantar ke nursery. dah terbiasa and nampak sangat banyak benefit dari duduk dirumah tanpa kita jaga sendiri. 
surely penat pump susu, urus anak 2 org. 
dah cakap dengan hubs, nanti tak tido malam dah, anak ajak main pagi-pagi buta, dia cakap biar aleena yang main dengan baby. hahaha betul juga.

hectic but beautiful life indeed. 
 


 

14th weeks

i am now entering 14th weeks.
i am still nausea. nausea.nausea.
every morning vomitting, before and after lunch as well.
ni nausea all the time is not good.tak selesa.

other than that my asthma wasnt so bad.
i am feeling healthy.
just the nausea.


food taste terrible. everything taste terrible. hate food nowadays.
sigh my passion gone away.

8th weeks

i went for a quick scan in 6th weeks due to always having cramps. risau juga pregnant luar rahim ke apa. but everything was okay but i macam ada small cyst. tengok la macam mana next scan.
  

otherwise i am ok cuma makan tak sedap. and it is getting worse at 8th weeks. i tetap makan sebab masih menyusu aleena. kesian bila tak ada susu langsung.

cant wait to have a check up on the 10th weeks!!!!!

 

alhamdulillah i am now pregnant

The second one.

i decided to have another one since, my first one dah habis menyusu 2 tahun, and feels like it.

bukak iud on the 5.1.2014 and get to know that i am pregnant on the 2.2.2014.

happines...
and i will due in october. insya allah im gonna share birth month dengan my new baby. hehe. 

tak sabar gila, rasa macam the first one tu.
maybe sebab planning kan. memang nak sangat sangat.alhamdullilah allah s.w.t bagi rezeki terus.
need to really take care, hopefully allah jaga kandungan sampai bersalin. baby lahir sihat walafiat.

amin...

3 years and insya allah still counting...

My 3rd anniversary.

That morning woke up, dont feel like different from any other day.
wasnt too looking forward to it as anniversary is just a another numbers
add up to your marriage life.

we went makan tony romas.
owh my birthday last month we went to traders hotel.

Well it does means something, it means both of you are in love and willing to fight and
cheers the years of marriage ahead.

Yes marriage is where you love and fight at the same times.
fight of argument and to be with forever.
for the sake of love and families.

3 years is a bliss for me. cant believe it as well.
bless with Aleena.

i am the type yang senang marah tapi senang memaafkan dan melupakan.
husband on the other part susah gila nak marah, penyabar orangnya, tak berapa senang memaafkan
dan melupakan. sebab tu dia jarang marah.
very the opposite. i think this is what makes our marriage works.
that is what i think. shall ask my husband to write bout our marriage soon.
i believe he has to be patience with me, a lot of it. i am aggresive, stubborn and impatience.
it is hard to argue with me, as i would love to win in most argument. so there fore i always avoid it.
i have learn to be patience a lot from my laid back husband.

he is such a laid back person he can even day dream while driving. bahah so i have to be alerted at all times
and guided him while driving.

my ignorance and easily forgive and forget is what make my marriage works.
i am not a highly maintained women, i rarely shops( so my husband doesnt have to have headache on this) and
i can live humbly but my husband always decide to treat me like a queen.
mainly of what we eat la. maybe due to that i am extremly fat nowadays.

before my maid ran away, we had helps around the house. due to that my husband dont lend a hand in anyway at all.
especially with housework.
however, after my maid dissapear and i was sick for a week due to muscle sprain, he is such a big helps. house chores
is being done together.

i do believe a house that is full of happiness, no jealousy, no heartache,
no grudge and hatred is the key to a well to do family.

we aim high, both of us is very ambitious, but we keep our feet to the ground.
try to support each other in both of our dreams, life, and career.

supporting in each other, physically and emotionally.

i am bless to have my dear husband in life,thank you god for a wonderful jodoh.

ANAK SAKIT

terus terang cakap masa anak demam dan sakit adalah paling depress dalam hidup.
Aleena sejak masuk nursery once a month subahanallah jatuh sakit.
Alhamdulillah nothing major lepas 3 hari kebah dan sihat. syukur.

Tapi itulah, susah hati dibuatnya.
Bila demam aku rasa gloomynya jiwa dan suasana. No matter how i try to cheer up.
but i always try to make her happy so that she will recovered fast.

she is turning 2 this month!
tapi there will be no celebration or whatsoever cause she wont understand yet.
tunggulah...

 

rindu masa dulu

Masa Lalu.

Aku macam rindu masa lalu.
setengah dari itu la. Ada yang tak dirindui. Benci ada.
Kadang-kadang kan, rasa macam what if tu sentiasa berlegar di kepala.
Tapi perkara yang lepas tu jangan dikenang.

But perkara lepas yang terjadi tulah makes what i am now.
A very strong women. My experience from the past sangat valuable.
Untuk hati dan perasaan.

rindu bebas masa belajar dulu.
rindu aku yang dulu..

interior rumah

I love interior designing.

But with limited money and time plus space it is just a dream.
however jangan kata nak menghias rumah cantik, nak bagi kemas and bersih pun
tertunggang terbalik dah hidup seharian.

I guess being a full time working mother and with a toddler is very impossible.
Plus ada husband yang ada banyak barang(coz dia ada business cetak baju) memang suicidal mission.

tried my best tapi tak ter-catch up.
busy.

Mana nak buat laundry,masak, uruskan anak. memang tak mampu.

but i love going trough all those interior design picture in PINTEREST. meroyan tengok.

as for now as long as rumah bersih sudah la ya?

masalah pulak duduk rumah ground floor ni, tempat sampah depan rumah,
walaupun tertutup memang lalat tu ada. Lipas. Lipan.Tikus pun satu hal tapi lama dah tak nampak.

so aku pasrah la bila anak tonggang bekas-bekas mainan dia.
aku sekarang kalau sapu sampah ada mainan dia yang kecik-kecik aku malas dah kutip.
sapu masuk tong sampah sekalian alam. nasib la.

so if nak beli mainan skang beli yang besar sahaja.

sigh...tunggu anak dah besaq la baru rumah nak elok

The end of my breastfeeding journey

Tamatlah sudah episode breastfeeding journey saya.

insya allah aleena is turning 2 years old next month on the 16.11.2013.
But i decided to stop pumping already today.
My stock can supply aleena for another week then she will be fully on formula during daytime.
but at home she will be either direct feed of bottle fed.

WOW is what i can say for the fact i manage to face 3 or more of pumping session.
washing all those breastpump and bottle parts and sterilze them.
those ups and down of the stocks.
sigh! phewwh im glad that it is over and alhamdulillah aleena boleh terima formula.

she is drinking MAMIL ALL N ONE.

i am glad and thankful that Allah s.w.t give me the opportunity to actually breastfed her for so long.
that she can get all the benefit from breastmilk.
alhamdullilah..

to those mother's to be. try your very best to breastfeed your baby.
you have to be very determined and patience in order to actually do it.
really lots of hardwork especially for the working mothers.

sleepless night, aching body, sore nipple,clinginess, crankiness, wet bra and clothes, crying over melt stock,
over spill milk!, forgot to keep freshly pump milk in fridge, etc etc etc.
my god im glad that is over for now.

will i re-do everything for the next baby? insya allah with all my might i will.

the good things of breastfeeding is so much that i cant listed it all here:
from the health of your child(sakit pun insya allah tak teruk dan lama), very cheerful, strong,
very close to you. very. maybe because my baby is a girl dia sangat obedient.
and the best thing is that you leave part of you with your baby although you pergi kerja with is your milk.
so you are actually all the time with them. :-)

best thing is that
i dont have to  bring my awful koyak cooler bag anymore.
yay can use back my handbag!
no more heavy ice pack to carry.
no more preparing milk bottles.
no more preparing breastpump.
no more all those washing and sterilize 100 parts of it.
no more rushing work for 3 pumping session
no more worrying bout milk is not enough and etc.
but aleena is still adjusting to my milk is low at night,
she use to feed frequently at night.so agak kesian disitu.
bancuh susu pun tak mau.
just need adjusting.

when she finally wean off barulah boleh fikir pasal next baby!
till then.:-)

i am willing to share my tips if any mothers out there nak tanya apa apa.

moron

Aku stress.

From a mother to a mother.
How can you ever judge another mother?

Yes, my daughter is often sick. especially after
she is in the nursery. Dont you think i take all the
precaution i can? i fully breastfeed my baby for heaven sake.
That is my biggest prevention.

What can i do that she cry often? i dont understand what she wants.
She cry when she dindt get her way,which baby doesnt?
and yes because of this i refuse to have another baby at this moment.

i am piss off right now.

i am not as fortunate as you.
so quick whining bout your pitiful life of being a full time mother with no career whatsoever and suck it up
be thankful you moron

Sayangku Aleena

Over the weekend seriously tak buat apa pun.
Just stay at home for the long weekend.
so sad right.

anyway just posting pictures of my dearest Aleena.
Somebody mention to me that i adore and love aleena deeply. yes sangat. anak kot.
sayang ketat ketat.

Wordless wednesday

Sleeping patten

Aleena oooOOOoOih Aleena

Tidur itu penting tak?
As for me i need to sleep but if my sleep is interupted i am okay with it
Legalah bila jadi mak ni memang la tidur tu terganggu.
Dan tidur itu dah terganggu selama lebih 2 tahun.
Dari start mengandung sehinggalah sekarang.

Masa dalam pantang kan, aku sangat tak suka.satu pergerakan restricted. Kedua sebab
baru nak biasakan diri dengan anak, so schedule hidup tunggang-langgang.
Nak established breastfeeding lagi.
Aku stress gila, luckily my mom realize that and force my bff to come and visit me often.
Rasa macam stress gila sebab baru nak belajar jaga anak kan.

Malam memang paling worse. sebab kau sorang-sorang, nak tidurkan anak.kau sendiri ngantuk.
Nak kacau suami kesian dia kerja besoknya.
Luckily ada buaian, at least dari kol 10 malam sampai 12 malam suami buai anak bagi aku tidur.

and malam has been very troublesome for me.
sebab i want aleena to sleep trough the night so that bila dia awake pagi dia ceria and cergas.
dulu masa aleena ada pengasuh di rumah tak apa lah i can leave her to continue sleeping
but as for now since i had to sent her to the nursery memang kalau malam dia tidur tak cukup dia cranky pagi.

Okay aleena sleep from 7.30 pm to morning. Morning means bila mama bangun dia bangun. Since dia guna my nipple as pacifier, memang gitulah.
anyway at least dia lepas juga la nipple aku.
so in between dia memang akan dream feed. many times. as frequent as hourly. and dulu memang aku weng la bila bangun pagi,
and usually sampai office first things aku minum kopi dulu.

memang la tak tidur lena sekarang. tambah plak kalau tak sihat.lagi la weh.
aleena ni frequently demam. make me feel like a failure mother. hence i blame it on the nursery bahahaha
pedulik. sebab hantar nursery anak aku selalu sakit. settle.so aku rasa kurang sikir burden mak tak guna tu.

Baru-baru ni demam 5 hari. tak tau apa punca. but i blame it on myself sebab selalu sakit and aku makan
habbatus sauda high dose sikit. Panas kan. Demam la budak tu. Stop alhamdulilah terus ok.

anyway, selesai aku breastfeeding. aku nak cuti setahun before ada anak lagi. aku nak rehat sepuasnya.

sebab bila ada anak lagi this cycle continue people!

Ni kes malam tadi aleena bangun banyak kali, Aleena oi bila hang dah besaq baca ni baru hang tau sian mak hang!

Time

When you are a mother, did you realized your time is so crutial
that it is wasnt enough the 24 hours a day?
yes..

Memang tak sempat kan nak buat apa.
but today i would like to talk about the ME time.

ME ME ME ME

duh.. dont say we are not a good mother cause we need a
ME time.

let me rant ok.

Everyday life is really hectic. Cause you are managing many people at once.
You dont manage yourself but your children and husband too.
You are managing your household.
Gah...

time is not enough.

Paling best bangun pagi nak buang air tak kiralah besar ke kecik,
anak merengek nak bermanja. Hah masuklah sekali dalam bilik air.

Dulu aku boleh masak lagi, sekarang tak boleh anak tagging kat kaki minta
dukung.

Sejak urat putus hari tu sampai bedridden sekejap, aku tak sanggup dah overdo myself.
no more supermommy!.

Rumah aku sumpah tunggang langgang. Aku dah kurang pedulik. Sumpah stress tengok tapi aku tak larat nak exert myself
lagi.

Peti ais aku kosong takde mende nak masak.
sumpah stress juga.
Bila nak makan luar aku tak tau nak makan apa.
Nasi goreng hari-hari sangat membunuh dan memuakkan.

Stress.

Stress paham?

Tapi bestnya dapat melepak bermanja dengan Aleena lama-lama tanpa perlu masak adalah heaven.

Walaupun perasaan nak anak lagi membuak-buak, tapi it is a NO NO right now kerana i wanna give
full attention to aleena. satg mengandung sakit takleh layan aleena masa dia tengah
crave for attention sekarang lagi haru.
Give all the love until she understand and can talk full sentences first.
Senang nak nasihat and explain this and that.
For now tak payah la.
Memang aku tak mampu physically and mentally.
Biarlah anak gap jauh pun.

government or private sector.

Susah nak take the leap to improve my career.
terlalu rasa comfortable in government sector.
Seriously.
Gaji banyak. walaupun lagi banyak la pergi private.
tapi dia comfort of being comfirm kerja kau ni ada selamanya.
inysa allah.
Tapi nak kaya tak dapatlah.
aku pun terfikir if ever aku ada gut nak bukak my own
pharmacy business.
barulah kaya raya.
boleh travel there and here.
first class.
and boleh hantar anak belajar good school.
and takyah risau anak kena amik ptptn or loan.
or need scholarship.

banyak offer kerja.
i should take now.
nanti in the future,banyak budak junior ni yang amik tempat.
habislah.
stuck in government forever and menyesal.

People says i shall maintain working in government because
my husband is in private sector.
kerja tak stabil.
sigh.




so i am confuse.

i really wanna challenge myself.
at the same time i dont think bringing up kids can allow me to do so.
if i had to choose between career and my kids.
of course i will choose my family instead.
just that i wanna give the best.

so yeah money is crutial.

but anyway, currently i dont have the guts to do so yet.

stay.